And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize