Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just found a bag of teeth...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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