I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
