she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
