I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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