Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
