I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
