can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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