Do vagina's smell?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The feeling are messing with the penis
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
