I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
