guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
