God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
