you're like a bully in the Christmas story
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
