Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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