oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
