He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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