I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
