counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
