am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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