i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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