She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
