if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
