Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
