All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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