Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I love having hate sex.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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