i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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