Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
