Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
