you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
