I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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