fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
