Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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