ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
