my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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