Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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