I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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