when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
