now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
