hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
