so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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