dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
