i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
