Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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