i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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