you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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