Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
