Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
