Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
