her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Floor bacon is actually really good
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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