who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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