There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
