My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
