so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
