so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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