carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
