Are we in a gay sports bar?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
