That's intense
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
