I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
