Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
