First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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