I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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