wakey wakey hands off snakey
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
