I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When did angry sex become our thing?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
