She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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