I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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