If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
