i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
