it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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