what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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