I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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