Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
