I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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