you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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