I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
