I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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