Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
