I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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